The first time it happened I was in a youth hostel in the town of Tiberius, Israel, on the shore of the lake of Galilee. It was during my two year backpacking stint where I accidentally found myself a carpenter’s assistant. Yes, the irony.
While I was sleeping I felt a chill descend on me which immediately pinned my entire body so I could not move, nor could I open my eyes. It felt as if my body was being pushed towards the edge of the bunk and I groaned as I struggled to release myself from this invisible bondage. Panic-stricken I wriggled and lashed until I was released, awoke and found myself teetering on the edge of my mattress. It rattled me because it felt real, precarious and certainly not something I had experienced before. Nonetheless I notched it up as a bad dream.
The second time it happened was a number of months later when I was in London. Similarly it happened at night. I was injected with icy concrete which rendered me both asleep and awake, not able to move nor open my eyes. Again I felt invisible hands heave against me as they attempted to push me off the bed. I struggled in myself with all the violence I could muster until I was released with a fierce groan. Again I teetered on the edge of the bed. This time I prayed, asking God to protect me from what I was beginning to fear.
The third time it happened I was back in South Africa in my parents house, trying to kickstart my career. Night time descended and I remember lying on my side. Once again that familiar chill rapidly wrapped me like a spider injecting its venom into me its victim. Although my eyes were closed I saw from my spiritual peripherals a fire spring up right behind me. This fire immediately scared me. I then felt someone, or something, the weight of about ten men, walk up and down my bed behind me, the other side of the fire. Like a ship tossed in a tempest I felt myself undulate with the mattress. Again I struggled violently while praying in my mind for God to release me. He did and I sat up wide-eyed and sweating, asking the Lord to free me from whatever this was becoming.
This happened and off over a span of fourteen years. Sometimes it was frequent while other times I had months of reprieve. It happened more or less the same each time, with a few variations. First the chill, the inability to move and then the ring of fire which surrounded me. By now my instinct was to pray while I vehemently struggled to free myself and generally awoke with a shout or a cry. By this time Jenni was on full alert to the signs of my angry, night time straight-jacket warbling, and as soon as she touched me I was awake and freed.
For some reason God had allowed Satan to draw near to me. Although I continually asked God to remove him, He did not do so immediately. I knew it was the devil because of two variations to this regular incident.
The first time was when I heard his voice near my face the other side of the fire. Menacingly he breathed clearly his slow and angry words; “You…are…a…terrible…father.” My children were young at the time and I was already fretting over whether I was and would be a good and attentive father to them. I immediately recognised that he was preying on my doubts so I told him that he was a well known liar, and to fuck off.
He did.
The second time I saw him he was hovering above my bed trying to get at me through the fire which prevented him. He manifested as an enormous dragon-like serpent that refused to keep himself in a fixed shape, but rather more like a great number of rapid movements of himself, transparently overlapping each other, fast, then slow.
This image of him scared me.
I started talking about these experiences with some of my spiritual friends, who prayed over me. Their prayers offered long periods of relief which I valued tremendously. But he always returned unexpectedly. I decided I was not going to talk about him anymore, not because it scared people, but because – I reasoned at the time – it was probably what he wanted me to do. So I went cold turkey. I wasn’t going to give him any press whatsoever. It didn’t help. There were times when Jenni visited her folks in Queensland and I would sleep with all the lights on in the house. By this time I was angry with Lord for allowing this scourge and asked Him to tell me what I was supposed to be learning from this ordeal.
Then came the final two incidents, and their answers.
The ring of fire that surrounded me was the thing that scared me the most, even though it did not burn me nor did it give off any heat. So I decided to surrender to it. As the chill fell and the fire almost immediately became visible, I relaxed. I heard God’s voice inside my ears. He simply said; “I am the fire, Stephen.” (Hebrews 12:29). My vision sharpened and I looked beyond the fire. I saw the dark shapes of Satan and his cohorts prowling up and down beyond the flames, unable to cross. I watched them, and they angrily returned my gaze a while, before each and every one of them turned, and ran from me, into oblivion. Somehow I knew that this was to be the end.
That was twelve years ago.
I have since read about a Christian in India who knew of a witch who was asked by someone to place a curse on one of his Christian friends. After trying she returned the money and told the man she she was unable to inflict the curse because the man was surrounded by a ring of fire.
Even though this ordeal came to an end there was one more thing God wanted to show me. It was during one of our family holidays to the Blue mountains. We stayed at the Fairmont Hotel and shared a large room. Our children were still young and in hindsight, I was riddled with insecurities about their future. That night when I was awoken, it was not by a chill, but by the fire. My fire. I watched the flames. What was amazing in this instance, is that the fire did not only encircle me, but all four of us, our family, spanning the entire perimeter of the room.
It was beautiful…
…and we were, and always will be, safe with Him.
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